Staying Safe and Sane

QUICK EXIT

Digital Safety

In New Zealand, “Digital Safety” is just as important as physical safety. Abusers often use technology to track, monitor, and harass. Being “digitally safe” means taking control of your devices and your data.+1

Here is a comprehensive guide to digital safety for survivors in Aotearoa.

1. The “Safety First” Rule

If you suspect your phone or computer is being monitored, do not use it to search for help or plan your escape.

  • Use a “Safe” Device: Go to a local library, use a computer at work, or borrow a trusted friend’s phone.
  • Keep Appearances: Continue using your “monitored” phone for normal, non-suspicious activities (like checking the weather or news) so the abuser doesn’t realize you are suspicious.

2. Securing Your Accounts

  • Change Passwords: Change passwords for your email, bank, and social media. Use a password the abuser cannot guess (avoid kids’ names or birthdays).+1
  • The “Secret” Email: Create a brand new, anonymous email address (e.g., nzflowers123@gmail.com) for all your safety planning and legal communications. Never log into this email on a shared device.+1
  • Two-Factor Authentication (2FA): Turn this on for your bank and main email. If someone tries to log in, you will get a code on your phone. Warning: Only do this if you are 100% sure the abuser doesn’t have access to your physical phone.

3. Hiding Your Location

  • Turn off “Share My Location”: Go to your phone settings and disable location sharing for all apps, especially Facebook, Instagram, and “Find My Friends.”
  • Check Your Car: AirTags or GPS trackers can be hidden in wheel wells, under seats, or in glove boxes. If the abuser always seems to “show up” where you are, ask a trusted mechanic or the Police to check your car for trackers.
  • Photos: When you take a photo, your phone saves the exact GPS location where it was taken (Metadata). If you send a photo to an abuser, they can find you. Turn off “Location” in your camera settings.

4. Safe Communication & Apps

  • The Bright Sky App: This is a free NZ app (developed by the One NZ Foundation) that looks like a weather/information app but contains a secure journal. You can record photos and voice notes of abuse, and it sends them to a safe email address so they aren’t stored on your phone.
  • Shielded Sites: Many NZ websites (like The Warehouse, Countdown, or ASB) have a “shielded” icon at the bottom. Clicking this allows you to access Women’s Refuge information without it appearing in your browser history.
  • Silent 111 Calls: If you need to call 111 but it’s unsafe to speak:
    • From a Mobile: Stay silent and press 55 when prompted. The operator will know it is a genuine emergency and send Police to your GPS location.
    • From a Landline: Stay silent and follow the operator’s instructions.

5. Social Media Privacy

  • Go Private: Set all your profiles to “Private.”
  • Audit Your Friends: Remove anyone who is a “mutual friend” with the abuser, as they might accidentally (or intentionally) share your posts or location.
  • The “Unpublished” Electoral Roll: In NZ, anyone can look up your address on the Electoral Roll. You can apply to be on the Unpublished Roll for safety reasons so your address remains hidden from the public.

6. Dealing with Digital Abuse

  • Netsafe: If you are being harassed online, being “doxed,” or if “revenge porn” is being threatened, contact Netsafe (0508 638 723). They are the NZ experts in the Harmful Digital Communications Act and can help get content taken down.
  • Don’t Delete Evidence: If you are being harassed, take screenshots before you block them. You will need these for a Protection Order or Police report.

Location Tracking

This guide focuses on the “Quick Wins” to stop location tracking immediately.

Important Warning: If you are still living with an abuser, suddenly turning off all tracking can sometimes “tip them off” and increase the risk of violence. If you need to stay under the radar, consider getting a second “clean” phone to keep in your car or at work for safety planning.

1. iPhone (iOS) – The “Safety Check”

Apple has a built-in tool specifically for survivors of family violence. It is the fastest way to see who is tracking you.

  • Go to Settings > Privacy & Security > Safety Check.
  • Emergency Reset: This immediately stops sharing everything (location, photos, etc.) with all people and apps.
  • Manage Sharing & Access: This lets you see exactly which people (e.g., your partner) can see your location and stops it one by one.
  • Turn off “Find My”: Go to Settings > [Your Name] > Find My and toggle off “Share My Location.”

2. Android – Location & Permissions

Android settings can vary slightly by brand (Samsung, Pixel, etc.), but the steps are generally the same.

  • Global Kill-Switch: Swipe down from the top of your screen and tap the Location icon to turn it off entirely.
  • App Audit: Go to Settings > Location > App Permissions.
    • Look for any apps that say “Allowed all the time.”
    • Change them to “Don’t allow” or “Only while using the app.”
  • Google “Find My Device”: Go to Settings > Security > Find My Device and turn it off. This prevents someone with your Google login from seeing your phone on a map.

3. Checking for Hidden Trackers (AirTags/GPS)

If you think an AirTag has been hidden in your bag or car:

  • iPhone: Your phone will automatically alert you if an “Unknown AirTag” is moving with you. If you get this alert, tap it and select “Play Sound” to find it.
  • Android: Go to Settings > Safety & Emergency > Unknown Tracker Alerts. Tap “Scan Now” to manually search for nearby trackers. You can also download the “Tracker Detect” app from the Play Store (made by Apple for Android users).

4. Social Media “Ghost Mode”

Even if your GPS is off, some apps share your “last seen” location.

  • Snapchat: Open the Map, tap the Settings (cog) icon, and turn on Ghost Mode.
  • Instagram: Go to your profile > Menu > Settings and Privacy > Messages and Story Replies. Ensure “Show Activity Status” is off.
  • Facebook: When posting, never “Check-in” to a location until after you have left that place.

5. The “Photo Leak”

Every photo you take has your GPS coordinates hidden inside it (Metadata). If you send a photo to an abuser, they can see exactly where you are.

  • iPhone: Open a photo > tap the ‘i’ icon > tap “Adjust” under the map > select “No Location.”
  • Android: Open the Camera app > Settings > Turn off “Location Tags” or “Save Location.”

Logged in Devices

Checking your “Logged In Devices” is one of the most powerful things you can do to take back your privacy. If an abuser has your password, they can log into your accounts on their own phone or laptop and read your messages without you ever knowing.

Here is how to find them and kick them out.

1. Facebook & Messenger

Facebook tracks every device that logs into your account, including the town/city and the type of phone.

  • On Mobile:
    1. Open the Facebook app and tap the Menu (three lines or your profile picture).
    2. Tap the Settings gear icon at the top right.
    3. Tap the Accounts Center box at the top.
    4. Tap Password and Security.
    5. Tap Where you’re logged in.
    6. Tap your account. You will now see a list of all devices.
  • What to do: If you see a device you don’t recognize (e.g., an “iPhone 12 in Hamilton” when you have a Samsung in Auckland), tap “Select devices to log out” at the bottom, tick the suspicious ones, and hit Log Out.

2. Google & Gmail

Google gives you a very detailed list of every computer, phone, or tablet that has accessed your emails, YouTube, or Google Photos.

  • On Any Device:
    1. Go to myaccount.google.com/device-activity.
    2. Sign in if prompted.
  • On Mobile (Gmail App):
    1. Tap your profile picture (top right) > Manage your Google Account.
    2. Tap the Security tab at the top.
    3. Scroll down to Your devices and tap Manage all devices.
  • What to do: Look for any device that isn’t yours. Tap the device and select Sign Out.
    • Tip: If you see “Auckland” but you live in “Invercargill,” this is a major red flag (though sometimes NZ internet providers show a central city like Auckland or Wellington incorrectly, so look at the Device Type first).

3. Important: The “Log Out” Order

If you suspect someone is currently watching your account, follow this exact order:

  1. Log out the suspicious devices using the steps above.
  2. Immediately change your password to something they cannot guess.
  3. Turn on Two-Factor Authentication (2FA). This ensures that even if they get your new password, they can’t log back in without a code sent to your physical phone.

4. Don’t Forget the “Backdoor” (Third-Party Apps)

Sometimes an abuser doesn’t log in as “you”—they use an app (like a “Find My Phone” or a “Sync” app) that has permission to access your data.

  • Google: Go to Security > Your connections to third-party apps and services.
  • Facebook: Go to Settings > Apps and Websites.
  • Action: Remove anything you didn’t personally install or don’t recognize.

Passwords

When you are dealing with an abuser, standard “safe” passwords aren’t enough because that person knows your favorite color, your pet’s name, and your birthday. You need a password that is un-guessable to someone who knows you intimately, but un-forgettable to you.

The best way to do this in New Zealand is by using a Passphrase instead of a password.

1. The “Three Random Words” Method

Instead of one word like Summer2024!, pick three completely unrelated objects you can see right now.

  • Example: Blueberry-Toaster-Cloud
  • Why it works: It’s very long (which makes it hard for computers to hack) but easy for you to visualize. An abuser would never guess this combination because it has nothing to do with your personal life.

2. The “Song Lyric” or “Whakataukī” Method

Pick a line from a song, a poem, or a Māori proverb (Whakataukī) that means something to you, but keep it in your head. Use only the first letter of each word.

  • Phrase: “Ma te kōrero, ka mōhio” (Through conversation comes understanding).
  • Password: Mtkkm2026!
  • Why it works: It looks like a random string of nonsense to everyone else, but for you, it’s just a sentence you already know.

3. Avoid “The Big 5” Guessing Traps

Abusers in NZ will almost always try these first:

  1. Kids/Pets: Names or birth years of children or previous pets.
  2. Hometowns: Where you grew up or where you met.
  3. Significant Dates: Your wedding anniversary or the date you moved into your house.
  4. Common NZ Slang: Avoid words like KiaOra, Aotearoa, or AllBlacks.
  5. Simple Swaps: Don’t just swap ‘a’ for ‘@’ (e.g., P@ssword). Automated tools used by abusers can crack these in seconds.

4. Strategic “Security Questions”

When a website asks “What was your first school?”, you do not have to tell the truth. In fact, you shouldn’t, because an abuser knows the answer.

  • The Strategy: Pick one “fake” answer for all security questions.
  • Question: What is your mother’s maiden name? -> Answer: Blueberry
  • Question: What was your first pet? -> Answer: Blueberry
  • Why it works: You only have to remember one secret word (Blueberry), and the abuser will be locked out even if they know the “real” answers.

5. Using a Password Manager Safely

In NZ, experts like Netsafe recommend using a password manager (like Bitwarden or iCloud Keychain) so you only have to remember one master password.

  • Safety Warning: Only use a password manager if your device has a biometric lock (FaceID or Fingerprint). If the abuser knows your phone’s PIN, they can get into your password manager.
  • If they have your PIN: Change it immediately, or use a “Cloud-based” manager with a password they have never seen.

Quick Checklist for a Strong Password:

  • [ ] Is it at least 14 characters long?
  • [ ] Is it unrelated to your kids, pets, or partner?
  • [ ] Is it different for every important account (Bank, Email, Social Media)?
  • [ ] Is it written down only in a safe place (like a hidden note in your “Safe Room” box)?