Staying Safe and Sane

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During the Violence

During a family violence event, your body will likely be in “fight or flight” mode. This guide is designed to provide you with simple, life-saving actions that you can recall even when you are in a state of high stress or shock.

1. The “55” Silent Call (Life-Saving Technology)

If you are in a situation where you need the Police but cannot speak because the abuser is in the room or listening:

  1. Dial 111 from your mobile.
  2. Stay silent. Do not hang up.
  3. The operator will ask you to press 55 on your keypad.
  4. Press 55. This signals to the operator that you are in a genuine emergency but it is unsafe for you to talk. They will immediately track your location and dispatch Police.
  5. If on a landline: You don’t press 55. Instead, stay silent and the operator will ask you to press any button to confirm you need emergency services.

2. Strategic Positioning (Rooms to Avoid)

If you cannot leave the house immediately, your location within the home matters:

  • AVOID the Kitchen: This is the most dangerous room due to knives and heavy objects.
  • AVOID the Bathroom: These rooms are often small, have hard surfaces (increasing injury risk), and usually have no second exit.
  • GO TO a “Safe Room”: Choose a room with a window or an external door. If possible, choose a room where you can lock the door from the inside to buy yourself time.

3. Protective Posture

If a physical assault begins and you cannot escape:

  • Make yourself small: Curl into a ball in a corner.
  • Protect your vitals: Wrap your arms around your head, with your fingers interlaced behind your neck.
  • Stay in a corner: This protects your back and makes it harder for an abuser to surround you or kick you from behind.

4. When the Police Arrive: What to Expect

In New Zealand, the Police take a “pro-arrest” and “pro-safety” approach to family harm.

  • The Interview: They will try to speak to you and the abuser in separate rooms so you can speak freely.
  • Police Safety Order (PSO): Even if there isn’t enough evidence to arrest the person yet, a Police Sergeant can issue a PSO on the spot. This legally forces the abuser to leave the house immediately for up to 10 days. They cannot contact you or come near the house during this time.
  • Evidence Collection: They may take photos of injuries or property damage. Note: If you have been strangled or “choked,” tell the officers immediately. In NZ, Non-Fatal Strangulation is a serious standalone crime because it is a high-risk indicator for future lethality.

5. The “Medical Record”

Even if you don’t want to press charges today, see a doctor or go to A&E as soon as it is safe.

  • Why: Doctors in NZ are trained to document family violence injuries. This creates an official, timestamped medical record that can be used as powerful evidence if you decide to apply for a Protection Order weeks or months later.

6. Immediate Post-Event Checklist

Once the abuser has been removed or you have reached a safe place:

  1. Do not clean up: Leave broken glass or overturned furniture as it is—this is evidence for the Police.
  2. Screenshot: If the abuser sends “apology” or “threatening” texts after the event, screenshot them and save them in a hidden folder.
  3. Call a Refuge: You do not need to stay at a safe house to get help. Call 0800 REFUGE just to talk to someone who can help you process what just happened.

Important: If you have a Protection Order and it was breached during this event, the Police must take action. A breach of a Protection Order is a criminal offense in New Zealand.