Staying Safe and Sane

When you read the stories shared in this sanctuary, you aren’t just reading words on a screen; you are witnessing the collective strength of survivors just like you. In a world where abuse often relies on isolation and silence, these stories serve as a powerful “pattern interrupt.”

Why These Stories Are Here for You

• The End of Isolation: Abuse often makes you feel like you are the only one experiencing this specific confusion. Reading another person’s account of the “fog,” the tracking, or the gaslighting is proof that it is not just you.
• A Roadmap for Reality: These stories help you identify the common tactics used in coercive control. By seeing the “playbook” used against others, it becomes easier to spot the same moves in your own life.
• Micro-Doses of Hope: While every story is unique, the common thread is survival. Each narrative is a reminder that there is a life waiting for you beyond the fear—a life that is peaceful, private, and entirely your own.
• Safe Connection: This is a space to connect with other experts of their own lives, without ever having to compromise your digital safety. You can draw strength from the community while remaining completely anonymous.

How to Read Safely

We know that reading about others’ experiences can be heavy. We encourage you to:

1. Check Your Internal Compass: If you feel overwhelmed, it is okay to stop. Your peace is the priority.
2. Use the Quick Exit: Remember the orange “Quick Exit” button is always there if you need to hide your screen instantly.
3. Take What You Need: Focus on the stories that resonate with your strength. Use them as Reality Anchors to help you stay grounded in your own truth.

“Their courage is a gift to your healing. Their voice is a shield for your truth.”

I used to think i was friendly and kind to all people but soon learnt I was naive, i was a flirt and that I was dumb because I spoke to all walks of people, genders, ages, cultures and in all sorts of places. I stopped doing that because I kept getting told off and making him mad at me. He would then go and stand over the person I was talking to in the street, in the shop, in the pub, in the church, on the sports field, everywhere. My cousin caught him screaming at me once because he was jealous and calling me a whore. My cousin threw him into the ground and told him off. He left with his mate and said it was over. I stopped going out altogether. I found him the next morning having breakfast with my mum. I got mad. We got back together. Then I was allowed to start meeting his family. His family had 2 rules, what happens in their homes stays in their homes and NEVER CALL THE POLICE. I learned about violence on a whole new level. I stayed and saw too much physical violence. I broke both the rules and got in big trouble with his family. I tried saving the other females that were beaten to a pulp but they kept coming back. I was only ever hit once and I remember going into shock. I was so mad. I remember looking at him and saying ‘WOW, you think you’re GOD’ then walked out of the room and called my dad to come and get me. I left. But we got back together after he apologised and said he would never hit me again. He never hit me again but the abuse didn’t end there. The psychological and emotional abuse was thrown at me constantly. “Where have you been?, Who were you talking to?”. He would drop me off in the middle of nowhere and take off in the car. He liked me being in his bedroom and locking the door because he wanted me all to himself. He would drive like a crazy person to scare the shit out of me. He would have parties and invite other males and females over for days. I packed up and left him while he was having a big party. I walked out with a rubbish bag full of my stuff and never looked back. I called my dad and he picked me up again. I stayed with my dad until I got my own home sorted. I learned a lot about myself and love that I walked out and never went back. He was his own problem, not my problem at all.

Before You Head Back: A Self-Care Check-In

Reading these stories is an act of bravery, but your peace comes first. Before you continue your day, take a moment to ground yourself.

• Check Your Breath: Take three slow, deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. Feel the air filling your lungs.
• Acknowledge Your Surroundings: Name three things you can see right now that represent safety or comfort (a plant, a window, a favorite mug).
• The “Now” Fact: Say to yourself (out loud or in your mind): “I am here, I am breathing, and I am the expert of my own story.”
• Drink Some Water: Physical hydration helps your brain process emotional “work.”
• Step Away if Needed: If your heart is racing or you feel “heavy,” give yourself permission to close this tab. The stories will be here when you are ready.

---

Need to talk to someone right now?

If reading these stories has brought up feelings that you need to share with a professional, these West Auckland and National services are available 24/7:

• Shine: 0508 744 633 (Free, confidential support)
• Women’s Refuge: 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)
• 1737, Need to Talk?: Free call or text 1737 any time to talk with a trained counselor.
• Safe to Talk: 0800 044 334 (Sexual harm support)