Staying Safe and Sane

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Images and Video Harm

Threats to share intimate images or videos (often called image-based abuse or “sextortion”) are a severe form of coercive control. In New Zealand, this is not just “drama”—it is a criminal offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act (HDCA).

If you are being threatened right now, the most important thing to know is that you are not alone, and there are tactical ways to stop this without giving in to the demands.

1. The Golden Rule: Do Not Give In

Abusers use these threats to gain power. If you do what they say (send more money, send more photos, or stay in the relationship), the threats rarely stop. Giving in proves to the abuser that the threat works, which often leads to more demands.

  • Stop communication: If safe, stop responding.
  • Do not delete: Your instinct may be to delete everything in shame, but those messages are your evidence.

2. Secure the Evidence (The Tactical Audit)

Before you block them or the messages disappear, you must “freeze” the evidence.

  • Screenshots: Take screenshots of the threats, the account name of the person making them, and the platform they are using.
  • Metadata: Note the date and time. If they have already posted something, copy the URL of the post or profile.
  • Safe Storage: Save these screenshots to a “Secret” email or a secure cloud folder that the abuser cannot access.

3. Use the “Hashing” Tools (Stop the Spread)

New Zealand works with global tools that can “fingerprint” your images so they cannot be uploaded to major social media platforms.

  • StopNCII.org: If you are over 18, this tool allows you to create a “digital hash” (a unique fingerprint) of the images on your own device. You don’t have to upload the actual photo to the site. The hash is shared with platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok to block the image from being shared.
  • Take It Down: If you (or the person in the images) are under 18, use takeitdown.ncmec.org.

4. Your Legal Rights in NZ

Under the Harmful Digital Communications Act 2015:

  • It is a crime to share (or threaten to share) an intimate visual recording without consent.
  • Consent can be withdrawn: Even if you sent the photo voluntarily at the start, the abuser does not have the right to show anyone else.
  • Penalties: Individuals can face up to 2 years in prison or a fine of up to $50,000.

5. Who to Contact (The “Safe” Path)

You do not have to handle this by yourself. These agencies deal with this every single day:

  • Netsafe (The Approved Agency): They are the experts in getting content taken down. They can act as a mediator and help you navigate the HDCA.
  • NZ Police: If you are in immediate danger or the threats are part of a wider pattern of family violence, call 111 (Emergency) or 105 (Non-emergency). Threats to share intimate images are taken very seriously by the Police.
  • Safe to Talk: For confidential support regarding sexual harm or image-based abuse.
    • Call: 0800 044 334 | Text: 4334

The “Reality Check”

The abuser wants you to feel whakamā (shame) so that you won’t seek help. Remember: The shame belongs to the person making the threat, not the person in the photo. By taking tactical steps to secure evidence and use hashing tools, you are reclaiming your mana and taking the “weapon” out of their hands.

This “Final Message” is a tactical maneuver. Its goal is not to argue, plead, or explain your feelings—it is to reframe the power dynamic.

By using “Clinical-Tactical” language, you signal to the abuser that you are no longer acting out of fear (Survival Brain) and are now acting with legal and digital literacy (Executive Brain).

Important: Read This First

  • Safety Check: Only send this if you are in a physically safe location. If you believe sending this will cause the abuser to come to your house and harm you, do not send it. Contact the Police instead.
  • The “Send and Block” Rule: Once you send this, you must block them immediately on everything. Do not wait for a reply. A reply is just an opportunity for them to gaslight you or pull you back into a Trauma Bond.

The Script (Copy and Paste)

“I am sending this to inform you that I have documented every threat you have made regarding the sharing of my private images/videos.

Under the Harmful Digital Communications Act 2015, threatening to disclose intimate visual recordings is a criminal offence in New Zealand, punishable by imprisonment.

I have archived screenshots of your messages as evidence and am currently in contact with Netsafe and the NZ Police. I have also utilized digital hashing tools to prevent these files from being uploaded to social media platforms.

Do not contact me again. Any further communication from you, or any disclosure of my private content, will be handed directly to the authorities as part of a formal criminal complaint. This is my final communication.”

Why this works tactically:

  1. It Names the Law: Citing the Harmful Digital Communications Act lets them know this isn’t “personal”—it’s legal. It shifts them from “angry partner” to “potential criminal.”
  2. It Mentions Evidence: Abusers rely on the victim’s shame to keep the abuse secret. Letting them know you have archived screenshots takes away their “secret” weapon.
  3. It Signals Support: Mentioning Netsafe and the Police shows that you are no longer isolated.
  4. The “Final Communication” Boundary: It sets a clear, firm end-point. It denies them the “emotional hit” they get from a back-and-forth argument.

Next Steps After Sending:

  1. Block Immediately: Phone, Email, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and even banking apps (where they sometimes send 1c transfers with messages).
  2. Privacy Scrub: Change your passwords and check your “Logged In Devices” on Google/iCloud to ensure they aren’t still tracked into your accounts.
  3. Contact Netsafe: Even if nothing has been posted yet, you can start a report with them so they have a file ready to go.