In Aotearoa, we value the idea of looking after our whānau and passing on what we’ve built to the next generation. However, a growing trend known as Inheritance Impatience occurs when family members begin to view an older person’s assets—such as their home or savings—as “already theirs.”
This can lead to pressure, manipulation, and in some cases, the total loss of an older person’s financial independence.
⚠️ Common Warning Signs
Inheritance impatience doesn’t always look like a demand for cash. It often presents as “helpful” suggestions that benefit the family member more than the older person:
- Pressure to Downsize: Suggesting you sell the family home to “free up capital” for their own mortgage or business venture.
- The “Early Gift” Request: Asking for a significant portion of their inheritance now because “you don’t need it all anyway” or “it will save on tax later.”
- Controlling the Budget: An adult child taking over your bank accounts and questioning your personal spending on “frivolous” things like travel or hobbies.
- Guilt Tripping: Using your grandchildren or the family’s financial struggles to make you feel guilty for holding onto your assets.
- Misusing an EPA: A family member with Enduring Power of Attorney making decisions that preserve the “estate” (their future inheritance) rather than spending money on your comfort, healthcare, or quality of life.
🏠 The “Granny Flat” Trap
A frequent scenario in New Zealand involves an older person selling their home to help a child buy a larger property, with the promise of a “granny flat” or a room for life.
- The Risk: If there is no legal agreement in place and the relationship breaks down, the older person can be left homeless and without the capital to buy a new home or pay for aged care.
🛡️ How to Protect Your Autonomy
It is your money, and you have worked hard for it. You have the right to spend it on your own comfort and security.
1. Get Independent Legal Advice
If you are considering a large gift or a change in living arrangements, speak to a lawyer alone. Do not take the family member with you to the appointment. A lawyer’s job is to ensure your interests are protected, not your heirs’.
2. Formalize Family Agreements
If you are “loaning” money to a family member, have a formal loan agreement drawn up. If you are moving in with family, ensure your “right to occupy” is legally documented.
3. Review Your EPA
Ensure your Enduring Power of Attorney is someone you trust implicitly to act in your best interests, not their own. You can also appoint two people to act “jointly” to provide a system of checks and balances.
4. It’s Okay to Say “No”
Helping family is a kind gesture, but it should never come at the expense of your own safety, health, or ability to pay for your future care.
A Note for Family Members: If you are worried about your parents’ spending, ask yourself: Am I worried about their well-being, or am I worried about the size of my future inheritance? Respecting an older person’s right to spend their own money is a fundamental part of showing them dignity.
Need to talk to someone?
If you feel pressured by family regarding your finances, you can have a confidential chat with the Elder Abuse Response Service at 0800 32 668 65. They are there to listen and help you navigate these tricky family dynamics.
Staying Safe and Sane 