Staying Safe and Sane

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Kids when Planning to Separate

In New Zealand, the law regarding children and separation changed significantly with the Family Violence Act 2018 and the Care of Children Act 2004. The system now recognizes that a child’s safety from all forms of violence (including witnessing psychological abuse) is the “first and paramount consideration.”

Here is what you need to know when planning to separate with children.

1. Urgent “Without Notice” Parenting Orders

If you believe the abuser will take the children or that the children are at risk of harm if you leave, you can apply for an Urgent Parenting Order.

  • How it works: A Judge can make a temporary order within 24–48 hours without telling the abuser first.
  • The Result: This order legally gives you day-to-day care and can stop the abuser from taking the children. You can apply for this at the same time as a Protection Order.

2. Automatic Protection for Children

When you apply for a Protection Order, your children are automatically included as “protected people” unless the Judge specifically says otherwise.

  • This means the abuser must not use violence against them or contact them.
  • Suspending Contact: Any existing parenting agreements or orders that allow the abuser to see the children are automatically suspended if a Protection Order or a Police Safety Order (PSO) is issued.

3. Supervised Contact: Staying Safe While Staying Connected

If the Court believes the children should still see the abuser but aren’t safe alone with them, they will order Supervised Contact.

  • What it is: The children meet the abuser at a safe, neutral center (like a Supervised Contact Centre) where trained staff watch and listen to the entire visit.
  • Cost: If the Court orders this, the government usually pays for the sessions.
  • Safety: You do not have to see or talk to the abuser during the “changeover.” The center manages the drop-off and pick-up so you stay safe.

4. Stopping a Child Being Taken Overseas

If you are worried the abuser might try to flee New Zealand with the children, you can apply for an Order Preventing Removal.

  • Border Alert: Once this order is made, the Police can place the child’s name on a “Border Alert” list. If the abuser tries to take the child through any NZ airport, an alarm will trigger at Customs and the child will be stopped.

5. Lawyer for Child

In many Family Court cases involving violence, the Judge will appoint a Lawyer for Child.

  • Their Job: They do not represent you or the abuser. They represent the child. They will talk to the child (if they are old enough) and tell the Judge what the child wants and what is best for their safety.
  • Cost: This is usually funded by the Ministry of Justice, though parents are sometimes asked to contribute a small portion of the cost later.

6. Support for the Children (Safety Programmes)

If you have a Protection Order (even a temporary one), your children are entitled to Free Child Safety Programmes.

  • The Goal: These programs help children understand that the violence wasn’t their fault and teach them how to stay safe in the future.
  • How to join: You can ask your lawyer or contact the Ministry of Justice (0800 268 787) to find a provider near you.

Important Safety Step for You:

When you leave, notify the children’s school, daycare, and doctor. Provide them with a copy of any Court Orders or Protection Orders immediately so they know exactly who is (and isn’t) allowed to pick up the children.

Updating Schools

In New Zealand, schools have a legal and ethical duty to keep students safe. Once you have a Protection Order or a Parenting Order, you should provide a copy to the school principal or the designated Child Protection Officer.

Here is a template you can use.

How to send this notice:

  • Method: Email is best so there is a digital “paper trail.”
  • Attachment: Attach a scanned copy or clear photo of the first page of your Protection Order or Parenting Order.
  • Confidentiality: Ask that this information be kept in a “secure file” and only shared with staff who need to know for the child’s safety (e.g., the class teacher and office staff).

Template: School Safety Notification

Subject: URGENT: Security and Collection Update for [Child’s Full Name]

To the Principal and School Administration,

I am writing to formally update you on the legal and safety arrangements for my child, [Child’s Full Name], in [Class/Year Group].

Due to a change in family circumstances and for the ongoing safety of [Child’s Name], please note the following:

  1. Legal Orders in Place: A [Protection Order / Parenting Order] was issued by the Family Court on [Date]. I have attached the relevant pages of this order for your records.
  2. Restricted Access: Under the conditions of this order, [Abuser’s Full Name] is:
    • [Not permitted] to have any contact with the child.
    • [Not permitted] to collect the child from school grounds.
    • [Not permitted] to attend school events or enter school property.
  3. Authorized Collection: Only the following people are authorized to collect [Child’s Name] from school:
    • [Your Name & Phone Number]
    • [Emergency Contact 1 Name & Phone Number]
    • [Emergency Contact 2 Name & Phone Number]
  4. Emergency Procedure: If the restricted person arrives at the school or attempts to contact the child, please call the Police (111) immediately and inform them that a Protection Order is being breached. Please also contact me as soon as it is safe to do so.

I request that a photo of [Abuser’s Name] (attached) be kept at the front office for identification purposes by your administrative staff.

Thank you for your support in keeping my child safe. Please confirm receipt of this email and let me know if you require any further documentation.

Kind regards,

[Your Name] [Your Phone Number]

3 Tips for NZ Schools:

  • The “Photo” Rule: Schools in NZ are legally allowed to keep a photo of a restricted person for security reasons. This helps office staff who may not know the abuser by sight.
  • Password for Pick-up: You can ask the school to implement a “Secret Password.” If someone unexpected turns up, the school asks for the password. If they don’t know it, the child is not released.
  • Counseling Support: Most NZ schools have access to a Resource Teacher: Learning and Behaviour (RTLB) or a school counselor. You can ask the school to put your child on the priority list for “wellbeing checks” while they adjust to the new situation.