Safety Planning

How to Use This Resource

This page is designed to support you in layers. We begin with Family Harm information, followed by specialized resources for Sexual Harm.

Good solid safety planning is needed when you are dealing with risk of harm to yourself and/or your family. The overall goals of a safety plan include reducing the physical and emotional impact of violence, restoring agency, stabilizing the environment and acknowledging your worth.

Family Harm -start here

Identify the safe zones in your home, where you can go if an incident begins. Pick a room with a lock and a window, or one with an exit. Avoid the hard spaces such as the kitchen (knives), bathrooms (hard surfaces/no exits) or small closets where you can be trapped.
Keep all windows and doors locked 24/7 to delay the abuser getting into the home and call Police on 111.
Identify the red flags, the tides of behavior that lead to an explosion. This could be slamming doors, raised voices, tension build up. Use these to action your safety plan.
Trust your intuition. If your intuition says move, then MOVE. Do not wait for proof that things are getting dangerous.
If it feels wrong, its wrong. If you are scared action, your safety plan.
If the other person offers harm and/or violence, call Police on 111 immediately.
Keep your phone on your person at all times and make sure it is always charged.
Create an exit plan out of your home and practice it when you can.
Have someone else serve the abusive person trespass orders so they cannot come to the property. Once the abusive person receives the trespass order it exists. Even if they throw it on the ground. If they breach the trespass orders and do come back, then call Police on 111 and report them every time. This will start showing a ‘pattern of behavior’ and will be forever listed in the Police database.
Stop all communications with the other person as they do not respect you. This will teach them that you do not support that type of behavior.
Keep a small bag hidden (at a friend’s home or at work) that contains all your identifications, passports, birth certificates, ID cards, cash, extra keys, bank account information, prescriptions, insurance papers and any existing protection and parenting orders.
Establish a code word or phrase with a friend or neighbor. If you text them ‘Lasagna sounds good’ or ‘I love Mickey Mouse’ they know to call the Police immediately.
Identify your plan to a friend or neighbor that says exactly where you are going the moment you leave and what time you will plan to arrive and check in once you have made it and are safe.
Use private browsing, change passwords frequently, turn off GPS/Location services on all the phones. If possible, keep a cheap prepaid phone hidden for emergency calls.

Separating

When preparing to separate the other person will escalate once they find out. As they have had the power and control over you for a while they need to believe they still have it. Once they lose this, they then focus on gaining power and control over the finances first, the children second, and the assets third.
Focus on finances first followed by the children and assets. Finances first as the other party will cut you off as soon as they know what you are doing. Set up another bank account and move money over before they found out. You can do this little by little or all at once. Use your knowledge of the other person to guide you. Also change all pin numbers and passwords.
Contact a family lawyer if you have children and/or assets and ask for legal advice so you know what your rights are.
Do not trust anybody with any information as the abuser will look for clues and evidence.
If you take the children and they threaten to call the Police, let them. Police will not remove any children with no legal orders to follow. But remember this is the same for you. If the abuser takes the children, then the Police cannot get them back off him if he is the father unless there are active parenting orders in place.
You do not have to hand over the children if there are no legal orders in place and vice versa. The other person also does not have to hand the children over if there are no legal orders in place. You do not have to tell them where you are living, nor do you have to let them into your home.
Have a third person to deal with all communications, handovers and anything else to do with children.
The only time you should need contact to happen is if it is an emergency that involves the children.

Staying Put

If you choose to stay with the other person you have to avoid all conflict within the home to stay safe from harm and/or violence. Do not engage with the abuser when they are escalating.
Create something to do that gives you space and time away from the abuser. This could be hanging out the washing, cleaning or gardening.
Avoid rooms where weapons can be used against you like the kitchen (knives), bathrooms (hard surfaces) and toilets.
Pack an emergency bag with a couple of changes of clothing, medication, spare sets of keys, identification and money. Keep this bag in the boot of your car, at your workplace or at a family/friend’s home for emergencies.
Talk to your neighbors and ask them to call the Police if they ever hear any abuse. You can also ask them to call Police if they ever see a particular item you can place in your window (e.g., teddy bear, mug).
Have a safe person and organize a safe word. If you text them that safe word, then they know to call Police immediately (e.g., lasagna, Mickey Mouse).
Identify a safe room to move into when you know the abuser is going to escalate.
If you have children in the home, then make sure they have a safety plan in place and know it well.
Check out this link Staying Sane for more help and support for the psychological abuse.

Children

When harm and/or violence is present in the home, your children are experiencing, witnessing, and feeling the abuse. This includes all ages of children and even when they are in your puku (stomach). They know.
If you are struggling to leave the other person because you want to keep the family together, this is not safe thinking. Just ask yourself, what is the best thing to do for the children?
Keep a note in an envelope asking to help with an emergency and to please call Police on 111. Teach your children to take an envelope to the neighbors and to give it to them.
Teach your children how to call Police on 111 and make sure they know the address well.
Teach your children how to do a silent call.
Teach your children not to answer the door or answer phone calls, text messages, social media posts. Ask them to show you any communications from the abuser or from strangers during high-risk times.
All children need a safe person that they trust. A safe person is there for the child to reach out to. This person needs to be agreed upon by the child. This person needs to keep the communication confidential unless harm to the child is disclosed. If this happens, the safe person needs to contact the Police on 111 immediately. Each child has to have a different safe person if this is possible.
Gumboot Friday, Youthline, Kidsline and Whats Up are all free services for children to access help, support and counselling.

Sexual Harm – start here

When dealing with sexual violence within the context of family harm, safety planning must prioritize bodily autonomy and the right to say no without fear of retaliation. In New Zealand, a safety plan for sexual violence isn’t just about physical exits; it’s about protecting your tapu and understanding your legal rights to protection.

1. The “Right to Refuse” Safety Plan

In many high-risk relationships, sexual violence is used as a tool of control. Your safety plan should include “de-escalation” or “avoidance” strategies if you feel a situation is becoming unsafe:

The “Exit Script”: Have a prepared reason to leave the room or the bed (e.g., “I feel unwell,” “I need to check on the kids,” or “I need to get some water”).
Physical Barriers: If you are sleeping in a separate room, identify if that door can be locked or if a heavy object can be placed in front of it.
The “Symptom” Strategy: Some survivors find that claiming a physical ailment (migraine, stomach pain) is a safer way to navigate a “no” when they fear an aggressive reaction to a direct refusal.

2. Medical Safety: The 72-Hour Window

If a sexual assault occurs, your safety plan should include the immediate steps for your physical health.

SAATS Clinics: Every major region in NZ has a Sexual Abuse Assessment and Treatment Service. These are safe, confidential clinics where you can get emergency contraception, STI preventative medication, and a forensic exam if you wish.
You Own the Evidence: You can have a forensic exam (a “kit”) done and ask the police to “hold” it while you decide if you want to press charges. You do not have to decide immediately.

3. Protective Legal Orders

In NZ, a Protection Order under the Family Violence Act automatically includes protection against “sexual abuse.”

The Condition: If you have a Protection Order, any non-consensual sexual act is a criminal breach of that order.
Police Flagging: If you have an active Protection Order, ensure the Police have your current mobile number so that any 111 call from you is prioritized as high-risk.

4. Digital and Privacy Safety

Sexual violence often involves “Image-Based Abuse” (threatening to share private photos or videos).

Netsafe NZ: If someone is threatening to share intimate images of you, contact Netsafe immediately. They can help get images removed from platforms under the Harmful Digital Communications Act.
Device Audit: Ensure your phone does not have “Share my Location” turned on in apps like Find My Friends or Snapchat, which could lead an offender to your safe location.

5. Restoring Agency: The ACC Pathway

A crucial part of “stabilizing the environment” in NZ is knowing that financial barriers shouldn’t stop your recovery.

ACC Sensitive Claims: You can access free, long-term therapy for sexual violence. You do not need to have reported to the police.
Find a Provider: Use the Find Support website to find a therapist who specializes in sensitive claims. This restores your agency by giving you a safe, professional space to process what has happened.

Sexual Harm Outside the Home

Sexual harm can happen in any environment—at a party, in a workplace, or in a public space. If you have been harmed by someone who is not a family member or partner, the path to safety often involves different legal and social protections.

1. Immediate Physical Safety

If the assault just happened and the offender is still at large:

The “Safe Hub”: Go to the nearest public, well-lit place (a 24-hour petrol station, a police station, or a busy supermarket).
Traceable Transport: If you need to leave the area, use a rideshare app (like Uber) rather than a street taxi, as the ride is GPS-tracked and the driver’s details are recorded.

2. Medical Sovereignty (SAATS)

In New Zealand, you can access a SAATS (Sexual Abuse Assessment and Treatment Service) clinic regardless of who the offender was.

Privacy: You do not need to provide the offender’s name to receive medical treatment, STI testing, or emergency contraception.
Forensic Options: You can choose to have a “non-report” forensic exam. The evidence is gathered and stored securely for a period of time, giving you the space to decide if you want to involve the Police later.

3. Safety in Shared Spaces (Work or Study)

If the person who harmed you is someone you see regularly (at work, uni, or in a social group):

Restraining Orders: Unlike a Protection Order (which is for family), you can apply for a Restraining Order through the District Court. This is for people who are not in a domestic relationship with you. It makes it a criminal offense for them to follow, contact, or loiter near your home or workplace.
Workplace Rights: Under the Health and Safety at Work Act, your employer has a legal obligation to ensure your safety. If you have been harmed by a colleague, you have the right to request changes to your shifts or workspace to ensure you do not have to interact with them.

4. Digital Harm & “Image-Based Abuse”

If the assault involved the taking or sharing of intimate images without your consent:

Netsafe NZ: Contact Netsafe immediately. Under the Harmful Digital Communications Act, it is illegal in NZ to share “intimate visual recordings” without consent. Netsafe can act as an intermediary to get content removed from major social media platforms.

5. Specialist Support (Non-FV)

While Women’s Refuge is excellent for domestic harm, these services specialize in all forms of sexual violence:

Safe to Talk (National): 0800 044 334 or text 4334.
Tautoko Tane: Specialized support for men and boys who have experienced sexual harm.
HELP Auckland: 0800 623 1700 We offer a wide range of support services to help all Aucklanders who’ve been affected by sexual abuse: from help in a crisis to ongoing counselling, from advocating for your rights or helping you seek justice, right through to prevention programs to help protect children, whānau and our communities.
Tu Wahine Trust: 09 838 8700 Kaupapa Māori counselling, therapy and support for survivors of sexual harm (mahi tukino) and violence within whānau.
Tautoko Mai Sexual Harm Support Services: 0800 227 233 We offer immediate, short-term, and ongoing support, whether the harm is recent or happened in the past.