Staying Safe and Sane

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Stress

This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or a diagnosis, consult a professional.

In New Zealand, the stress caused by family violence (FV) is recognized as toxic stress. Unlike normal stress, this is a constant state of “high alert” that physically changes the brain and body.

Here is what you need to know about the personal and family impacts of this stress and how the NZ system helps manage it.

1. Personal Stress: The “Social Entrapment” Effect

Research in NZ (notably from Women’s Refuge) shows that victims often spend up to 7 hours a day just mentally planning for safety. This leads to:

  • Cognitive Burnout: You may experience memory loss, “brain fog,” and extreme exhaustion because your brain is constantly scanning for threats.
  • Physical Health Toll: Chronic stress triggers the constant release of cortisol, which in NZ studies is linked to higher rates of cardiovascular issues, diabetes, and autoimmune disorders.
  • The “Silent Period”: You might feel “fine” or numb while in the situation, but the full weight of the trauma often hits months after you are safe. This is a normal psychological response.

2. Family Stress: The Impact on Children

In NZ, children who “witness” violence are legally considered victims themselves.

  • Dysregulated Stress Systems: For babies and toddlers, witnessing violence can dysregulate their HPA axis (their internal thermostat for stress), making them either hyper-aggressive or completely withdrawn.
  • “Parental Alienation” Fear: You may feel the stress of trying to “over-parent” to compensate for the abuser’s behavior. The NZ Brainwave Trust notes that children often pick up on a caregiver’s fear even if they don’t see the violence itself.
  • School Struggles: Children under this stress often “tune out” in class as a survival mechanism, which can be mistaken for learning disabilities.

3. Support Systems for Recovery

New Zealand has specific funded pathways to help families lower this stress:

  • ACC Sensitive Claims: If the violence involved sexual harm or mental injury, ACC provides fully funded, long-term counselling for you and your family.
  • Victim Assistance Scheme (VAS): Administered by Victim Support, this can provide financial grants for “immediate costs” (like changing locks or moving) to remove the stress of financial ruin.
  • Family Violence Leave: By law, all NZ employees are entitled to 10 days of paid FV leave per year. Use this to attend court, see lawyers, or simply take a mental health break without losing your income.
  • 1737 “Need to Talk”: A free, 24/7 nationwide service where you can text or call to speak with a trained counsellor immediately when the stress feels overwhelming.