When the threat is finally removed, the sudden silence can be just as jarring as the noise was. This “First 48 Hours” plan is a roadmap for New Zealand survivors to stabilize the home, soothe the nervous system, and begin the transition from surviving to living.
The “Safe Landing” Plan: Your First 48 Hours
Phase 1: Secure the “Nest” (Physical Safety)
Even with a Protection Order, your brain won’t believe it is safe until the physical environment changes.
- Locks & Tech: Change the locks immediately. If you have a Protection Order, you may be eligible for Whānau Protect, which provides free safety alarms and house strengthening (new locks, sensor lights).
- The Digital Sweep: Log out of all shared Netflix, Spotify, or iCloud accounts. Change your Wi-Fi password. This stops the “digital ghost” of the abuser from being in your home.
- The “Mauri” Reset: Many survivors find comfort in a physical or spiritual cleansing. Open every window, light a candle, or invite a trusted person or a Kaumātua to perform a Whakawātea (cleansing ritual) to clear the “heavy energy” you described.
Phase 2: Stabilize the Children (Emotional Safety)
Children who have been “peacekeepers” need to know that their job is over.
- Predictable Routine: For the first 48 hours, keep things incredibly boring and predictable. Eat at the same time, sleep at the same time. Predictability is the antidote to trauma.
- The “Sound” Strategy: If the house feels “too quiet,” play low, calming music or white noise. This prevents the “radar system” from jumping at every floorboard creak.
- Honest Reassurance: Use the “3-Statement Script”:
- “You are safe.”
- “What happened was not your fault.”
- “I am the adult, and I am taking care of things now.”
Phase 3: Regulate the Nervous System (The 48-Hour Body)
Your body is likely “crashing” after years of high cortisol.
- The “Crash” is Normal: Expect to feel exhausted, shaky, or even physically ill. This is your nervous system finally trying to leave “Fight/Flight” mode.
- Nourishment: Stick to simple, warm foods (soup, tea). Avoid excessive caffeine, as your heart rate is already likely elevated.
- Safe Sensory Input: Use the “Weighted Pressure” technique. Wrap yourself and your children in heavy blankets. This provides deep pressure that signals the brain to release oxytocin.
Phase 4: Build Your Support “Ring”
- The School/Daycare: Call them. You don’t need to give every detail. Say: “There has been a family separation involving safety issues. [Abuser’s Name] is no longer allowed to pick up the children. I will provide the Protection Order paperwork shortly.”
- Connect with an advocate from Women’s Refuge.
- Go and visit your GP and let them know what has happened so that it goes on your medical record for future reference as well as ask for a referral to a counsellor.
First 48 Hours Checklist
| Timeframe | Action |
| Hour 1-4 | Change locks and Wi-Fi password. |
| Hour 5-12 | Set up the “Safe Landing” zone with blankets/calm music. |
| Hour 12-24 | Inform school/daycare and contact a support advocate. |
| Hour 24-48 | Rest. Let the “heavy energy” begin to lift without forcing yourself to be productive. |
Staying Safe and Sane 